


First Assignment

by flecksofpoppy



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Canon What Canon, Gen, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-27
Updated: 2011-08-27
Packaged: 2017-10-23 03:13:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/245666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flecksofpoppy/pseuds/flecksofpoppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rude hates rookies. A bit of fluffy humor about the first time Reno and Rude meet. Posted for shits and giggles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Assignment

**Author's Note:**

> When I first got back into the FFVII fandom in February of this year, I wrote a few random Reno/Rude BITS that I never used for anything. Total Canon-What-Canon?! things. However, there was this one that deadcellredux found a line in that she thought was funny, and is using in a fic. And I re-read the entire thing, and kind of thought it was....funny.
> 
> This is total out there "THERE IS NO COMPILATION LULZ" and ridiculous in its premise, but...I kind of wanted to post it. Because I think it's funny. You've been warned (i.e. I try to do humor). And no, I don't know why Tseng just pops out of nowhere. For no reason. RUN WITH IT.

Rude hated rookies. If he had to be a mentor to himself when he was a rookie, he would have hated his rookie self. If someone had told him long ago that part of this job would be to patrol Sector 1 with a rookie, he would have planned far in advance how to stage a fatal accident.

And this one was a real piece of work. Hair done up like he had stopped at some Sector 3 slum salon specializing in pretty boy hairstyles, looking real smug and uncaring. Where did Tseng find these losers?

"Put that shit out," he growled. "They're going to smell us, you moron."

The rookie he was addressing immediately put the cigarette out, grinding it under his worn-out boots. It was the first sign he'd shown of contrition.

"Sorry," he mumbled, and tugged at his sleeves.

"If you make a sound," Rude warned, "to fuck this up, I will put a bullet in your head. Tseng will not care."

Rookie just rolled his eyes, gave the destroyed cigarette a kick and knocked it onto the tracks that they were standing next to.

"Okay, _boss_ ," he replied. The statement wasn't completely sarcastic, but getting there.

Rude was still pissed that Tseng had unloaded this bullshit on him. He never had to train rookies. Tseng was good at giving orders and Rude was good at taking orders. That had always been the case; that had always been fine by him.

Until now.

"So what are we doing here?" pretty boy said, sounding bored.

The silencer on Rude's gun was new, and he had _really_ been wanting to try it out in the field.

"Waiting for--"

And then the one they had been waiting for arrived, right out there in the light of the streetlamp, no concern for his own personal safety.

" _Him_ ," he said flatly. "Don't do anything, don't move. Just stand there."

It was simple enough. Rude stepped out; his target saw what was going to happen. It was a classic situation, and then it was done. The silencer threw him off in its weight; the blood and brains that spread were a little messy for his taste, but not too bad.

The corpse fell to the ground and stayed there, no face to speak of, no voice begging for mercy. Just a dead body, ready to be transported away and thrown into a unsuspecting ditch somewhere.

Rude turned around to say something to the rookie and then stopped.

Rookie was doubled over, retching. Retching everywhere, the smell of death most likely in his nose and not planning on leaving any time soon.

Rude hated rookies.

"Sorry, I..." More vomit.

Rude just tucked his gun away and fought the urge to roll his eyes. He wasn't a big eye-roller, but it was getting to the point where he was annoyed enough that his daily routine and job had been interrupted by this complete novice that he was ready to throw his more reserved nature to the wind.

"Rude," Tseng's voice came from the shadows and he approached. "I see the assignment is done." Tseng, coming to check up on them. Maybe he did care if Rude put a bullet in his trainee's head.

Rude just nodded, then looked at the rookie. Tseng also looked at the rookie, and the expression on his face turned to one of disdain. He had never been a fan of bodily fluids. His style wasn't execution; that was Rude's specialty.

"Clean this mess up," he said, pointing toward the body, "so that no one calls the Shinra military to come investigate. I have enough paperwork as it is."

He stopped thoughtfully for a moment. "And that mess over there," he finally motioned, pointing at the rookie who was still doubled over, trying to catch his breath, although no longer vomiting.

Rude gave him a long-suffering look in the way that only Rude could. Tseng just stepped away in the same stealthy fashion that he had arrived and left them alone.

"What's your name, rookie?"

The voice was raspy, and he detected a hint of embarrassment. "Reno," he said.

"Reno what?"

"Just...Reno," he finally looked up, his blue eyes fixing on Rude's in the semi-darkness.

"Okay, just-Reno, so what it's say on your paychecks?" Rude asked him skeptically.

"Reno from-Sector-3," he replied, finally straightening up. He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Okay Reno-from-Sector-3, it's your job to clean this--"

As soon as Reno-from-Sector-3's eyes fell on the corpse again, with its various bits of matter, Rude quickly found his own suit decorated with an array of vile-smelling bile.

The rookie didn't even look at him.

"Listen kid," he said finally, "I don't care what your name is. Whatever your paycheck says, it's going straight to my dry cleaning bill."

"Whatever," Reno rasped.

They managed to clean up the mess, and Reno even managed to hold his dinner for five minutes. Rude did it quickly, wiped the brains off of the nearby wall, threw the body into the ditch next to the tracks where it sank into dank water.

"Let's get out of here," Rude finally said. He really needed to get into a clean fucking suit. They started walking toward the Shinra building.

"Rude?"

"What?"

"...is that your real name?"

"Yes."

No response.

"...do you always wear them sunglasses?"

Small silence. "Yes."

"That's really fucking weird, man."

"It's 'those.' And shut up."

He could hear Reno sigh. "I need a drink. Want to join?"

He grabbed Reno's messy collar and hauled him away faster. He blamed Tseng for this nonsense; later, he'd thank him.

"Fine."


End file.
